Looking in the mirror there is a girl, a girl who has a smile that keeps her hidden from the world, underneath the smile are the scars only a few people have seen. She looks at herself in the mirror and says wow I look pretty but wow that pump scare should be gone by now. Wow, she looks harder at herself and releases all of the dots and bruises and holes on her body that have been left behind from past shots, pumps, finger pricks, and conscious glucose monitor insertions. Wow, she is the girl who is sick. In her everyday life, no one around her gets it, yes they try to but only another Type One diabetic knows how it feels. She is thankful that she has Type One Diabetics in her life who are her best friends and her cheer team. Her friend group of type ones support each other more than words could ever explain. They are so close because they have grown up in a world full of people not knowing what it means to be Type One Diabetic and frankly they never will. People think that Diabetics don't have a disease because they can hide themselves in a crowd and no one will ever know unless the alarm goes off, then the room goes silent and everyone looks around like something bad is about to happen. The girl behind the smile feels embarrassed to say it was her because in a room full of people she doubts they would understand. Type One is a hidden disease which does not make it any less real. When people talk about type one diabetes they don't talk about all the other things that come along with it. Having the disease comes with an eating disorder, depression, anxiety, and so much more. The girl behind the smile is a girl who doesn't know what's next. The girl behind the smile is always scared worried and terrified that she is not doing the right thing. She is stuck, She is Sick, She is tired, and She is the girl who doesn't know who she is because she wouldn't be who she is without it. She looks in the mirror and sees a girl who rides and owns a horse, does art, plays the Ukulele, and loves to sing. She looks in the mirror and sees a cloud hanging over her head. That cloud is diabetes, No matter where she is, that cloud will always be there. There is nothing that will ever take away that cloud. The girl behind the smile is a girl who wants to achieve many goals in her life and wants to say that her type one does not hinder that, but the brutal truth is it does. Everyone says don't let this disease control you, but it's not that easy, it does control her. If she is low she can't do anything. She needs to sit and wait for her blood sugar to come up. If she is high she feels sick and tired, she feels like she was just hit by a bus. Just because she has good Blood sugar doesn't mean she feels good. If she has been high for a while, having good blood sugar feels weird. If she has a night of lows or highs she is suffering from a chronic Diabetic hangover. She desires to feel normal, she desires the day when she can make it through without feeling sick, She desires the day when the cloud can be blown away. The girl behind the smile is done waiting 5 more years for a cure. She feels like everything she has learned over the years doesn't work anymore. People say can't you just master your diabetes already you have had it like forever now. Type One Diabetes can never be mastered, can never be easier, and can never be fully understood. Everybody is different, Everybody's Type One is not the same. One of the things about being human is the fact that the body is always changing which means that type one acts differently too. She might become more insulin-resistant or sensitive, her correction factors may need to be changed. She always tries to know as much as she can but it almost feels useless. The girl behind the smile wants to know who she is. The
The girl behind the smile wants to know what she can do to get out of this cycle of not knowing.
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